Hopeless Obsession
by sweetlostsoul
Summary: Remus Lupin and Severus Snape have an agreement: Polyjuice potion for Wolfsbane potion. RL/SS/LE
1. Chapter 1

**Hopeless Obsession**

Pairing: **LE/SS/RL**

Rating: **M**

Note: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and I've simply wrote the plot. The tale takes place a few years after the second war where Remus Lupin and Severus Snape survive. Also, Remus and Tonks never happened. I apologize for any inaccuracies in advance but appreciate all feedback/comments.Would anyone like to volunteer as my Beta?

* * *

Lupin reached for the tattered robes that hung in his scarce closet and turned to face the dirty mirror in his bedroom. Many would still recognize his green eyes and the familiar scars that marred his face, but it was undeniable that he had aged well beyond his years. The deep creases on his forehead only seemed to increase as the days passed and the thin lines around his thin mouth were more and more pronounced. The thin scruff that had grown on his chin had turned mostly grey with only a shadow of light brown to remind him of what he used to have. Above all, the dullness in his expression was the most distinctive change in the wizard. It was something that hid an agonizing past and a burdened present.

Pushing back his chin length hair, Lupin sighed and rubbed his face in both his palms. He was getting tired of facing the hopeless days ahead of him but the expectation of anything better was impossible for him to bear. Dropping his hands, Lupin gave his reflection one quick somber look before leaving his room and making his way to the only place he was expected. Deciding to walk instead of simply Apparating, Lupin stepped along the snowy path of the road, inhaling the crisp air and exhaling his slight anxiousness as he welcomed the darkening sky. The journey took but an hour for him to finally reach the old house and step onto the familiar porch. _Had it really been a month already_, he thought, as he lightly knocked on the black door with his frozen hand. He stood waiting for a moment when the bolt of the door came undone and there stood Severus Snape.

Snape stood straight, staring at him with a slightly annoyed expression at his presence and yet at the same time a look of relief washed over Snape's sour manner. Unlike the days he spent teaching at Hogwarts, Snape had exchanged his buttoned up robes for a crisp black shirt that hung mid-thigh and black trousers. His hair was tied back in a low ponytail, exposing the greys at his temples. His thin face was also filled with the effects of time and yet he still managed to look more or less his age. Ushering Lupin in with a curt nod, the man closed the door and walked along the short corridor. Lupin cleaned his muddy boots with a quick wave of his hand and followed Snape to the next room with only a moment's hesitation. He was aware of what was to come and although he knew better than to go along with it, Lupin found himself giving in to what was requested of him.

Willing himself to stay composed, Lupin walked into the room with the fireplace and the wooden table that held the expected two vials containing the perfectly made potions. One would satisfy Snape's need as required by the deal made years ago, while the other one would ease Lupin's monthly agony: Polyjuice potion and the Wolfsbane potion. While the Wolfsbane potion was self-explanatory, the Polyjuice potion was the reason behind Lupin's discomfort. Back when he taught Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts, he had gone along with Snape's request clumsily and regretfully. And then, nearly ten years later, they met against all odds only to find themselves back to where Snape wanted them to be. This awkward exchange was simply business for Snape and Lupin tried to keep it that way. However, the fact that he had to take this up again made the beast-man wonder a few things. Was he the only wizard that was doing this for the Slytherin? What did the pale man wish to achieve from this distorted relationship? Could they really forget that time at Hogwarts when things had gotten out of hand? Why did Snape wish to continue this, after so long? Refusing to ask any of these, Remus picked up the vial of Polyjuice potion and sighed tiredly.

"Do the terms established still apply? I must drink this Polyjuice potion, spend the entirety of the transformation with you and only then do I leave with the Wolfsbane?"

Lupin cast a sharp look towards Snape, wondering if maybe the wizard had changed his mind. He knew that this ordeal was despicable and truly cunning on Snape's behalf for having proposed it in the first place. And yet, the werewolf knew he could not fully blame the other wizard. He could not help but agree to the terms because he truly needed the Wolfsbane. He could not afford anyone else's services back then, and much less nowadays. He would never be able to receive such a perfectly brewed version of the mixture neither. Besides, it was Snape's desperate glare that reminded Lupin that their need for the potions was not a matter of mind, but a matter of necessity.

"Correct. Nothing more and nothing less."

The solemn wizard nodded his head as he tipped the Polyjuice potion towards Snape for the crucial ingredient. Snape stepped closer to him and extracted a single red strand from his palm before dropping it into the vial. The potion quickly changed to a dark red color and dissipated a little heat into Lupin's cool hands. Refusing to wait any longer, Lupin shut his eyes and took the full content in one swig. Snape took one step back to expose his raw expression. It was one of guilt and yearning; an expression that Lupin found both unsettling and similar to his own during his dark times. Slowly transforming into the person whose hair had been placed in the potion, Snape's eyes were focused on him as if this was the first transformation he was witnessing of its kind. Once the transition was complete, Lupin adjusted his robes to fit the smaller feminine body he was now trapped in. _Why are you doing this to yourself_, Lupin wanted to ask Snape, but he refrained, as always. Holding out a pale hand, Lupin placed his new ivory ones into the other's and moved forward until they were but a step away from one another. Lupin used his other hand to push the full shoulder length hair behind his ear as he searched the haunting dark eyes. Severus made sure to clear his throat before he spoke, but Lupin still heard the light quiver within the low voice.

"Hello, Lily."

* * *

Love, Amy


	2. Chapter 2

**Hopeless Obsession**

**Rated M**

**RL/SS/LE**

A.N. It is building up for what is to come but hopefully I stay motivated.

A.N.2. This is the updated version.

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Remus tiredly looked over at the Wolfsbane and welcomed the slow regret that filled him. Really, he deserved to be this miserable. He had brought it upon himself and it was all he could allow. It was no wonder he had gone to Severus and accepted the Potions Master's own pain. But last night was all sorts of wrong and they were both to blame. If only he had put a stop to it instead of leading it on.

An ache developed in his chest as anger began to build; he was a monster. The wizard angrily planted his fists on the rickety desk, shaking the glassware containing the potion. Looking down, he focused on his hands; trembling, rough and marked. He remembered how Lily's hands were soft, slender and pale in comparison. He remembered how her fingers stroked Severus's hair and caressed his face. But, it had been him touching the other man, not Lily. It had been Remus Lupin acknowledging the denial of the Slytherin, accepting his proximity, and allowing the thin lips to burn his skin. He had invited Severus to cross the line and it had been overwhelming. Pulsing with regret, the wizard tried to stop the memory from playing over in his mind. He doubted that all that madness was for a potion.

"What have I done?"

Without a second though, Remus grabbed the Wolfsbane and threw it across the room, expecting the glassware to shatter. However, it simply hit the old wall and fell to the floor, rolling around the room aimlessly until it finally came to a stop. Everything was cursed but it was closing in on him now. He could never escape it.

* * *

The day was unforgiving. Snape found himself hunched over Lily's grave, stunned into silence. It made no sense. How could he have gone so far as to sully her memory? How did he lose himself so easily? How did Snape forget about the man behind the magic? Dropping the lilies onto the cold ground, Severus chocked on his words.

"Forgive me, Lily. Please- I never thought… Never in my life had I ever believed I would…"

The Slytherin gritted his teeth and tried to focus. Lily was gone. His perverse potion-use had not brought her back to life. Instead, the Polyjuice potion had caused confusion, embarrassment, pain and corruption. It was over. The sad copy of the woman was a mistake he could not take back but he would stop it. Never again would he see her out and tempt himself with ridiculous ideas.

And what of the werewolf? Merlin, he had gone along with the entire charade! Had he been that desperate for Wolfsbane? Did he have no pride? He had practically sold himself like a cheap prostitute. He had known what he was getting himself into and yet he had agreed to the transaction, even years later. But nothing of the sorts had occurred until last week. Never had Remus, in her form or otherwise, taken initiative to seduce him.

_Severus_.

Severus shivered and stood up. He did not wish to remember what a fool he made of himself so easily, so desperately and so eagerly.

* * *

It took almost three months before Remus saw Severus again. It was a coincidence that the Potions Master was delivering the potion order while Remus was checking out of St. Mungo's. The two were initially at a loss but Severus quickly regained his scowl and Remus recovered with a stoic grimace. They stood by the desk where they could be processed without looking at each other.

"Feeling ill, are you?"

Recognizing the trademark sarcasm, Remus sighed and rubbed his beard. Maybe if they continued to ignore the incident months ago, they could pretend it never happened. Maybe they could resume their lives.

"I'm not sure but it seems like I have confused every Mediwitch here."

This seemed to interest the Slytherin, who finally glanced his way, expecting him to continue.

"I haven't transformed. I don't know why but it's strange. I don't know if it's a blessing or if there is something terribly wrong with me-"

Suddenly, Remus was cut off by a witch who appeared behind the desk. She assisted Snape while the wizard who had been handling Remus's file return to schedule another appointment.

"I'll see you then Mr. Lupin. Notify me of any changes, alright?"

"Of course. Thank you."

Remus nodded his head and looked around only to notice that Snape was already gone. It was probably for the best.

* * *

Love,

Amy


End file.
